Snatched in the night-what every parent should know about home invasion abductions

Home invasions have made the news recently as a frightening form of child abduction. This type of abduction is not new, but it is starting to become more common as traditional forms of child abduction are becomming less effective.

This type of child snatching has parents panicked and paranoid. After all, where is your child safe it not in their own home? However, very few parents understand that with a little safety training, this type of abduction can usually be prevented just as easily as other forms of child abduction.

How it works

An abductor will sneak into the child’s home at night, attempting to gain access to the child. He or she will then either threaten the child with harm, or talk the child into coming with them. The child is snatched out of their bed, usually without a sound or commotion, and unfortunately, is rarely seen alive again.

What it depends on

This type of abduction, is obviously a stealth abudction. It is secretive, quiet, and depends on the child’s compliance, in one form or another. They need silent kids, period.

Defeating it

Noise. Plain and simple. Compliance gets a child nowhere, they need to yell and make a ruckus. If a person did not intend to physically harm the child, this will just scare them off. Even if they did intend to harm the child, it is highly unlikely, that in the commotion, the abductor will choose to kill the child on the spot as opposed to run off. Silence with kids is death. Yelling and screaming is life.

Training your kids

It is important that you sit down and talk with them about this type of abduction. Tell them that if anyone ever awakes them in the middle of the night, they are to scream as loud as they can and call for help. They need to scream, kick the walls, knock over furniture, make as large of a ruckus as they can in order to yell for their parents and try to get away. If the person grabs them and try’s to run off, they should hang onto doors, windows, whatever they can to resist. Teach children to do this even if the person says they will kill them if they make noise. Explain to them the reality outlined earlier, that they are just saying that to get compliance and will probably run off if you make noise. If you go with them, they might kill you anyway.

A parents role

If at all possible, encourage children, especially younger children, to sleep with their doors open at night. Parents should also keep their doors open, (when not engaged in extra curricular activities) so that they have a means to hear their child if they happen to scream in the middle of the night. Not only does this ensure you hear them in the rare event that someone is in their room, but it will also come in handy for the everyday night terrors and other needs that your little ones require your assistance for.

Friends don’t come a knocking in the night...

What many parents don’t seem to realize, more likely of a scenario than threats, is that the child willingly walks out with the abductor because it is someone the child knows. Around 60% of all children murdered are taken by a close friend or relative.

It is important to teach children to never go anywhere with anybody except their parents in the middle of the night. If someone awakes you at night, it doesn’t matter who they are, you scream as loud as you can, and you get your mom and dad, no exceptions. Teach children that there is never any circumstance where someone they know would have a need to enter their room or retreive them at night without their parents knowing.

What to do

All parents should sit down at some point with their children and go over this subject. Explain to them all the points contained in this article, and make sure they understand. For added assistance, Global Children’s Fund also publishes a book, "Something Scary Happened" which teaches children what to do in the event of this type of abduction. Have a happy and safe year!

Raising bilingual children the 5 most common myths

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“Doesn’t she speak English? Oh, I see -- both Swedish and English. Doesn’t that get awfully confusing? Swedish, you said -- when will she use that?” Get used to hearing these kinds of things. You’ll get opinions from the barista at Starbucks, your mother-in-law, even your neighbors and strangers on the street. Remember, being a trendsetter always ruffles some feathers, and the best way to deal with unsolicited advice (other than running for the door) is to know the facts for yourself. 

Here are the most persistent myths on raising bilingual children:

“Your child will be confused by learning more than one language.” 

This belief is prevalent in monolingual countries and has far more politics than science to back it up. Rest assured that your child's little brain has more than enough neurons firing to cope with two languages (or even more) without frizzing out. On the contrary, decades of research in countless studies actually show significant cognitive advantages to being multilingual. And what about the experience of millions of families around the world where multilingualism is the norm, not the exception? Just look at Canada, Belgium, Switzerland, and Finland -- to mention a few.

“I can see two languages, maybe, but more than that is too much.” 

Considering how much babies have to learn in their first years of life, another language really doesn't add much to the load. As long the child is getting regular interactions in the second (or third) language, there won’t be problems. There is a reason why a two-year old child has fifty percent more synapses than an adult! Also, even if your child does not end up speaking all the languages, don’t underestimate the value of a passive language, i. e. understanding it but not yet speaking it. If you already understand a language it is magnitudes easier to learn it later in school or as an adult, compared to someone who’d never heard it before. So, even ‘just’ understanding another language is definitely not a wasted effort. 

“Your kid is going to get all these languages mixed up.”

It is true that some mixing will occur, but that is both harmless and temporary. As the child builds her vocabulary in each language, this phenomenon automatically disappears. How many monolingual children automatically fix mistakes after correct usage has been learned? 
For example, children begin by saying things like “Me want,” when they mean "I want." And how many of them are still saying, “Me want,” at five? Eventually, the multilingual child learns correct usage in the same fashion as any other child. If you don’t mix languages in your own conversation, it’ll make it much simpler for your child to remain consistent as well.

“Why start now? Later your kid will pick it up in no time.”

For all those who think it’s a huge intellectual burden on your child to grow up with multiple languages, there’ll be those who will tell you how easy it is. “Just go to a Spanish playgroup once a week. You don’t have to speak it yourself to her all the time!” This is highly unrealistic. Studies indicate that children need exposure to a different language about one third of their waking hours to become actively bilingual. They’ll understand a lot with less interaction, but they probably won’t be able to speak it themselves. Learning a second language is simple for children, relative to adults, but a child needs to hear a word thousands of times in all kinds of contexts before it sticks -- unless it’s a bad word, then miraculously you only have to say it once…

“Reading and writing in several languages? Some kids can’t even handle that in one language.” 

It’s true that many children have difficulties reading and writing well. However, reading and writing is a ‘coding / decoding’ process and is not linked to the number of languages a child speaks, as such -- although it could involve multiple alphabets, and then be a bit more work. Interestingly enough, access to multiple languages actually makes it easier for children to understand the nature of language itself, which, in turn, improves overall literacy skills. Research supports what many parents have long felt: that multilingual children have better-developed linguistic understanding.

Still, if you are in a hurry or find that politely ignoring the groundless opinions thrown your way doesn’t work, you can always ask if they think Einstein’s intellect suffered growing up with both German and Italian. And, he didn’t start talking until he was three years old either, but he certainly seemed to make up for lost time.

Kid time and couple time

Summary: Are you having trouble finding time to be with your children and to be with each other? Discover how important this balance is, and what may be the underlying issue in the way of couple time.

A reader emailed me the following question:

“Many dads and moms, especially those that work full-time, are torn by guilt when it comes to time allocation. They have been away from the kids so long during the working week that the weekends MUST be spent with them. Result: There is simply NO couple-time. Any suggestions?”

One thing that is often not realized by parents is that a happy and harmonious marriage is one of the greatest gifts they can give to their children. Most children will gladly spend less time with their parents when they know that some of the time being spent away from them is about creating and maintaining a loving relationship between their parents.

Parents who work full time do need to be sure to spend some quality time with their children each evening. I was in this position when I was raising my three children. My husband and I would each spend an hour each evening, sometimes with one child and sometimes with two. On the weekends, we set aside some time alone with each other and alone with ourselves, which our children learned to respect. Then we spent the rest of the time in family time. Parents need to understand that they are the role models for their children, and if they are not taking responsibility for their own needs, their children will not learn to take responsibility for their own needs. What we role model regarding personal responsibility for our own happiness and wellbeing is as important as spending time with our children. Both are equally important in raising healthy children.

When parents do not find the time to be with each other or to be alone with themselves, they may need to examine what else might be going on within themselves and in the relationship. Are they using their work and their children to avoid themselves and each other? If their time alone or together is not fulfilling, then work time and kid time can be ways of filling an inner emptiness. Or, the time problems might be a result of unexamined priorities.

We all tend to do what is truly important to us. If work is important to us, then we may work a lot. If parenting is important to us, then we might spend lots of time with our children. If our creative pursuits, hobbies, or sports are important to us, then we will find time for them. The same is true for our relationship. If it is very important to us, we will find the time for it. So, if parents are not finding the time to be together, they might want to examine their priorities and explore why time together might not be important.

Often time together is important to one partner and not to the other. When this is the case, partners need to explore what is happening between them that is leading to the one partner not making time together a high priority. Some of the issues you may want to examine are:

* Is one partner fearful of being pulled on for sex?

* Is one partner fearful of being pulled on to fill up the other partner emotionally?

* Does one partner feel fearful of being criticized in various ways when they are alone together?

* Is one partner emotionally unavailable and the other partner feels lonely with him or her when they are alone together?

* Has one partner become so preoccupied with being successful or making money that they no longer have anything to talk about?

* If fun lacking in the relationship?

* Does one partner feel resistant to being controlled by the other partner?

* Is one partner resenting the imbalance regarding work, chores and childcare?

* Is one partner feeling angry or withdrawn? If so, why?

If the real reason for not spending time together is truly about not enough time, then you need to consider how you can get help, such as hiring a neighborhood teenager, to do some chores or spend some time with young children.

If spending time together is a high priority, you can find a way!

What every parent should know - simple ways new parents can reduce their baby s risk of developing asthma

Childhood asthma and allergies have been on a steady increase worldwide, in the US alone there are more than 6 million children with asthma under the age of 18. Asthma drugs have potentially serious side effects and are not the optimal solution to asthma, particularly for children. During the last 15 years, there has been an alarming 160% increase in the rate of asthma in children under 5, sadly many of these children could have been prevented from ever developing asthma. The good news is you can do something to safeguard your child’s health by taking a few simple measures in your own home.

According to experts, the major causes are home air pollutants with house dust mites being the worst, next to cockroaches and secondhand tobacco smoke. Although dust mites and the feces they produce are found in vast numbers in every home, don’t despair: drastically reducing the population of these microscopic, spider-like insects is easily done by washing bedding in hot water weekly. Next, using zippered, plastic covers on pillows and mattresses will keep them from coming back. Since dust mites thrive in moist or humid conditions, it’s important to lower your home’s humidity level to less than 50% with a dehumidifier. Carpets, upholstered furniture, all dust and dust collecting objects should be removed from your baby’s bedroom. It’s also a good idea to keep pets out of your baby’s bedroom, as pet dander is also a very common allergy and asthma trigger.

Cockroaches thrive in moist environments, so to discourage them from invading your home, be sure to fix all leaky pipes and plug up any holes in walls or near plumping. Since they love to feed off crumbs, food droppings or open food containers, keeping food in sealed containers and maintaining a clean kitchen will discourage them from taking up residence. Beware of using pesticides as they can trigger an asthma attack.

Secondhand smoke during pregnancy and after pregnancy should be avoided completely. If family members smoke, have them do it outside and don’t let visitors smoke in your home. For women smokers who are planning a pregnancy, making an effort to quit smoking for the sake of their future baby’s health is a wise choice. If your town or city has poor air quality, then you should invest in a HEPA air purifier to keep air born pollution to a minimum inside your home.

Food allergies in infants and children can be life threatening and are also known to contribute to the development of asthma. Delaying the introduction of potentially allergenic foods to your baby is a good preventative strategy. Mothers who breastfed for at least 4 to 6 months can benefit their babies with stronger immune systems too. If breastfeeding is not possible, then avoid feeding your child milk or soy based formulas, instead use partially pre-digested protein hydrolysate formulas.

It’s best to feed your baby solid foods only after they are six months old, then vegetables, rice, meat, and fruit can be introduced to their diets. Trying each food one at a time makes it easier to identify and eliminate any foods that cause a reaction. When your baby reaches one year old, milk, wheat, corn, citrus and soy may be added. Wait until they are two years of age to serve them eggs. Next, when your child is 3 years old you can introduce fish and peanuts.

Taking these preventative measures will help ensure your baby a healthy childhood free from allergies and asthma.

Tend to your wildflowers as they bloom

Whether we see them or not, wildflowers bloom with each passing year. They blanket uninhabited mountainsides with carpets of beautiful color with each season. Our children bloom with new attributes to their personalities with each passing day as well—whether we take notice or not. Time has a funny way of slipping away from us right under our noses, and we must be careful not to miss out on the beauty of everyday.

Sure, we all have floors to clean, laundry to wash, bills to pay and running around to do day after day. All the chores we do are for the purpose of providing a safe and clean environment for our families, but the more important task at hand is to take notice of our children’s emotional and spiritual needs.

It’s very easy to get into a strict schedule—off to school, do chores in between, home from school, homework, dinner, bath, and then bed. Day after day we stick to our schedules and rely on things remaining the same for the sake of sanity.

Having a schedule is wonderful; in fact it’s a great way to provide stability for our children. However, there are times when we need to break away from our schedules; be free to have fun and spend time sharing in our children’s childlike spirit!

Make time to enjoy your children—play tea party, army men, board games or whatever suits their fancy! Playing with your kids is not only fun for them, but it’s also relaxing for you. For a brief moment in time, you’re not the waitress, disciplinarian, dietician, or taxi driver—you’re just “ma” having a good time with your children.

Just this once, don’t yell at the kids for running down the hall laughing out loud because your favorite television show is on—turn off the T. V. and run down the hall with them and play a game or two of hide and go seek!

Loosen the bun from the back of your head and get some dirt under your fingernails and dig for worms on a hot summer day; and then go rinse off under the sprinkler with them, clothes and all!

I challenge you to have more fun being a parent and interact with your child’s playtime more often.

Although it can be difficult to manage a household, raise kids and take time for yourself on a daily basis; you should enjoy your little wildflowers while you can, for someday they will bloom into adulthood and tend to their own wildflower gardens!